I know a lot of "absent" parents dont see things from the other point of view and that is fine. That just means you are too selfish to give of yourself. Maybe your kids are better off... however they did not ask to be here, so you should give more of yourself.
I have 3 sons. I have a 16 year old and 2 13 year old twins. I love my kids. Their personalities are so different. They all 3 dont eve act the same. I love it more than anything. The twins' dad is local and he sees them on a regular basis. He is not the superdad I had imagined my kids having but he is there for them... and for that I appreciate him!
My oldest son's father lives in New Mexico. He is a piece of shit basically. I went to school with the man. Adored him from the day I first seen him. Fell madly in love with him... we spent almost a year trying to have a baby. Broke up and found out I was preggo. It has been a roller coaster since then. Not only with him but with his mother too. It is an odd relationship between the two of them. Its almost like a sickness. I know how much she loved his "absent" dad her whole life, even when she was married to a good man. And its almost like since I dont pine over my sons dad, he doesnt get that attention from them. Im the worse mom according to them. His father actually had the nerve to tell me I should get over him, mind you this was last year!!!!!!!!!!! What the piece of shit doesnt understand is I have been over him for about... oh Id say 15 years! When my son turned one his father came around for a few weeks, almost months I think. I cant remember. Anyways... he acted like he wanted to be there for my son, hell he even cried when they took blood for the paternity test from my son. How touching. But it was bullshit. Since then, the man has been nothing to my son. He ran off and married his high school "whore" and I dont say that in a mean way, she seriously was! They divorced and he remarried and had 2 more kids. Then they divorced and he had another kid with someone he was/is dating... I dont know the details.
Anyways, so at one point when my son and him were talking on the phone (I think my son was 5) he & his wife (kids #2 & 3) & I were talking on the phone. How I feel about things came into light and I told him "I will always love you in some way because I have Vincent"... now the idiot still to this day brings up that I love him!!!! OMG If I hated his father, I think that would affect how I am a mother to him, right??? So I had to tell him last year when he told me I needed to get over him just how over him I was... I have never been rude to him in the way that I was on the phone that day but I had had my fill of his BS that everyone buys into. In my honest opinion, I think he is bipolar and a manic depressive. The man has no sense of feelings or passion for anyone else except himself. I dont believe for a second when someone else tells me otherwise because how could you just walk away from a child and pretend like he doesnt exist?
Now over the last 10+ years him and his mom have openly discussed their dislike for me in front of my son. When he was 9 they said some pretty rude things. I told my son to just forget it and let them have their opinions. I have never said anything bad to my son about them... so I expected the same in return but I was not so lucky. However... now that my son is 16, he has some anger and he wants to get it out. So he emailed his grandmother and asked for his dads number... she told him to call her. So he did. She refused to give him his fathers number because she doesnt want me to have it. Over the last 16 years I have had his number maybe a handful of times (mind you it changes like a person changes their socks) and maybe phoned him 3 times in that time period.
He is the last man I want to speak or have anything to do with! I have married and divorced, dated and been single. I have not compared these men to him, nor have I thought of him in any way like that... now if I was so madly in love with him, wouldnt I move closer or something?? I tell you, some people just have no sense of reality! My son was very disheartened and angry last night with his grandmother wouldnt give him the number and he yelled and he told her he has every right to call that man and talk to him about how he feels. And she still denied him!
A few months ago, my son was up north with his aunt (his dads sister, the only one in the family who cares to go out of their way to see him) and they were at his grandmothers. He was talking to his cousin and his dad came up in the convo. He told his cousin he didnt really know his dad because he didnt want to see him. Apparently his grandmother got mad at him and started yelling at him about how it was all my fault because I wont let him see him on his terms, blah blah blah!!!!
Mind you, I have never denied his family from seeing him ever in the last 15 years. Now I have put my foot down and told her she will no longer have any contact with my son. If being psychotic and crazy is worth losing a grandchild then so be it. She did bring me into the conversation on the phone last night and my son told her she is never to speak of me because I have been there for his whole life and she hasnt (bravo!!! yay made me a proud mama) and not to do it again.
Some days I am so glad his father was never a part of his life. I think he has a better chance at not getting those psychotic/bipolar genes they have.
It is just so frustrating that a grown ass woman and a grown ass man cannot see how hurt my son is! It makes me angry...
